Rose Parade

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Thursday, December 15, 2005

Kings (18-12-1, 37 pts) vs. Washington Capitals (9-17-2, 20 pts)

This is a game we seriously need. Washington is terrible this year, especially in terms of scoring. With a bunch of important games against division rivals coming up the Kings need to just stomp all over the Caps. Good. According to Bob and Jim the Kings braintrust seem to finally be concerned about the power play (28th in the league and 4 for the last 59, God help us) and are actually doing something about it. We'll see. I still don't know what the hell Andy Murray was talking about when he said our PP was our enforcer. WFT? Mathieu Garon, who has taken over as the obvious starter from LaBarbera, was expected to start but he has the flu and so is relegated to backup. Gotta love hockey players. I get the flu, I stay home. A hockey player gets the flu, he dresses and only backs up instead of starts. So it's Jason LaBarbera in goal for the Kings, Olaf Kolzig (hey, it's Ollie the Goalie!) for the Caps. Yah know, I was just about to make fun of Washington's PP because apparently it's almost as sorry as ours...and it was looking pretty crappy...and then they score. DAMN. His Bobness was kind enough to point out that the Kings have lost six straight when their opponent scores first. Thanks, man. And now we go on the PP. Let's see what happens. Which is sad, because going on the power play should be cause for much rejoicing. But we are the Kings, and we just can't do it like everyone else. Come on guys... And the Caps penalty kill is el hideoso! Come on!!!! And it's over and we do not score. Sigh. And now we're on the PP again. And again, there should be much rejoicing but there's not. Jesus, we need a PP quarterback, among many, many other things I'm sure. SWEET JESUS WE SCORED ON THE PP!!!! Eric Belanger!!! Sad, this feels like an old hockey cartoon I saw years ago when the Toronto Maple Leafs were dredging the bottom of the proverbial barrel...the cartoonist had them celebrating a shot on goal as if it were a score. And geez, it's only the first period. WHAAAT THE FUUUUCK??? Pavol Demitra is playing with an illegal stick? WHY??? It's not like he needs the help (I hope). I've been trying to avoid saying this, but JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST. This goddamn hockey team is determined to give me a freaking ulcer. And the Caps only have one freaking shot on goal and scored on it? Somebody SHOOT ME!!!! They're both so damn inept that we're three on three. Seriously. Gleason goes off hurt. Great. End of the first. There is not enough alcohol and chocolate in the world to deal with this team. And now Fox Sports in their infinite wisdom has paired off Marty McSorley with some random blonde chick thing. Fabulous. Second period. My prayers of losing the dreaded Carl's Jr. milkshake commercial are dashed as said commercial airs. At the risk of sounding like a big fat hypocrite, chief among my few referrals are people who were searching for "carl's jr. milkshake commercial". Yeah guys, I share your pain and apparently not much else. Sean Avery scores the only goal in the second and it's 2-1 Kings in the second intermission. Seriously, if we can't bitchslap a seriously inferior team then we're seriously on course to back into the playoffs and make a quick, unimpressive exit. Give me a new coach. Does anyone know what Larry Robinson is doing these days? Foxy eulogizing Ron Muniz, a guy who was younger than my parents. My heartfelt sympathy to his family and the Kings organization. I could be really tacky and make a crack about how watching this team play can kill you, but... Oh great, now we're in the third and we just coughed up a SHORT HANDED GOAL. That's JUST. FREAKING. TERRIFIC. Oh, my poor heart. Final is 3-2 Caps. God, penalties are killing us and it doesn't seem to matter who is taking them, us or the opponent. It's just bad news either way. I can't believe we lost to a team as bad as Washington. Hey, The Pens just fired their coach. Just sayin'.

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